When it comes to managing wealth as a couple, I like to say there really is no right answer. I’ve worked with some couples who share everything and other couples who’ve been married for 40 years and split everything down the middle. As a couple, what is most important is that you find a way to manage money that works for both of you. Through my career of supporting many couples, I have created the 8 Golden Rules to manage wealth together.
1. Each person has access to money and knows how to access their money:
Did you know that before 1974, women needed their husband to cosign in order to open a credit card! It’s okay if one of you takes the lead with the finances, but both of you need to have access to your money and know how to access your money. This can help protect couples from financial abuse and maintain independence. Which brings us on to rule #2…
2. You both feel some independence with money:
Maintaining independence with money is so important. It can help with resentment and conflict. I know of some couples who have a monthly “allowance” that they each get to spend with no questions asked.
3. You share the financial stress or burden:
This is one of the hardest rules to follow for some couples. I have many couples I work with where one of them is the worrier, and the other is the care-free spender. This can bring up a lot of resentment if only one of you is concerned about the finances and your financial future. I’ve told a couple before, you (wife) need to stress less, and you (husband) need to stress more. Conflict can also arise when one person is in charge of all of the finances and carries the majority of the burden. Split up bill pays and responsibilities when it comes to money so someone doesn’t have to do it all.
4. You actively discuss finances together:
At the VERY least, you should be having one formal sit down meeting a year to review your net worth, discuss upcoming expenses, set goals for the future and get on the same page with money. I call this your annual MONEY DATE, and I love doing this at either the end of the year, or the start of the year. Then, continue to have consistent check-ins.
5. There is no secrecy or hiding:
You could argue there shouldn’t be secrecy or hiding in your relationship at all, but especially with money! Financial infidelity is a thing, and it can wreak havoc on relationships. I believe that the more you are on the same page and have open communication, the less there is a reason to have secrecy around money. Step #4 can drastically improve step #5.
6. You both know your savings goals:
If you don’t have savings goals defined, start there. But once you have your savings goals defined, you should know each other’s, whether they are individual or joint. You should be each other’s biggest cheerleader, and how can you cheer each other on if you don’t know your goals. Set some goals, individually and jointly, and share them with each other. Offer support and encouragement to your better half.
7. Divide and Conquer:
Going back to rule #3, no one should be 100% in charge of the finances. For one, it can create an unequal dynamic, and two, it can lead to issues with rule #1, knowing how to access your money. I think it’s important to divide and conquer. I’ve heard of couples switching off bill pay every three months or also assigning each other different financial tasks to do each year. Sometimes this happens naturally over your relationship. Remember to divide and conquer based on your individual strengths, not necessarily stereotypes of what you should or shouldn’t do.
8. You are willing to adjust as needed:
This brings us to our final rule. The way you manage your money together will probably evolve as your relationship evolves. I’ve been with my husband for 8.5 years and the way we have managed our money has changed immensely as we welcomed dogs into our family, bought a home, and had children. If you’re actively talking about money, you’ll be more ready to pivot and evolve over time.
Managing money as a couple can come with challenges. I love working with couples to help find a way to build wealth together that they both feel confident and safe with. Reach out to us if you want more guidance and support as you and your partner manage money together.
